Cozen

Cheat; hoodwink; swindle (v.)

You wouldn't think so but in the alternate universe where advertising characters are the actual existing persons and humans are the manufactured vessels for marketing goods and services, the Charmin Snuggle Bear is a seedy bastard.
For instance: he takes Tony the Tiger's money every time they play poker at the Jolly Green Giant's house because Snuggle knows that Tony will always get drunk on cheap peach schnopps and go all in, even if his mortgage is at stake (which actually happened once). Every month the Giant watches Tony at his table at the end of night holding his furry head in his hands muttering "grrreat" under his jungle cat's breath as Snuggle rakes in the bills with a smile on his soft snout.

Also: Snuggle wrecked the home of Mickey and Minnie Mouse. He seduced Minnie when they met on a cruise to Scandanvia and he got her so wrapped up in his cuddly cozy fur and gentle whispers that she left Mickey. The lawyers went to their work and Minnie pinched Mickey for $1.5 million settlement. A few months later, after Minnie moved in with Snuggle in a bungalow on the Dutch side of St. Thomas, Minnie told Snuggle that she was pregnant. He hugged her. Comforted her. Laid with her all night until she fell asleep. Then he woke up around midnight and left without a trace, except for a fake name signed in the logbook of the St. Thomas branch of Carribbean Bank and a withdrawal agreement for $1 million to be transferred to a Swiss bank under the name "Charming."

Now he lives in Sedona, Arizona. He's a real estate agent there, selling pueblo-looking houses in the red rocks and playing poker with the Giant and Tony and the gang. He has the highest selling rate in his agency. Minnie has no idea where he is, he hasn't heard from her in eight years, and he plans to keep it that way. He does his laundry late at night at a laundromat when everyone else is sleeping.