Caustic

Burning; sarcastically biting

For ten years, Fred was an arsenist and a firefighter. Unbeknownst to everyone in Speonk, a small Long Island town, Fred was responsible for at least half of the fires that he helped extinguish. He had been given medals of honor for saving children, dogs, and precious objects from fires--most of which he had started.
Nobody caught on until one day, when Fred had been gone from the firehouse a long time, there was a fire reported at Marta Resigno's apartment building on Crestwood Lane. Everyone thought this was a strange conincidence because Marta and Fred were supposed to be married the week before but Marta called it off. She had fallen in love with a police officer from Ronkonkoma, and everyone in town knew about it except Fred--until she told him she didn't want to marry him anymore.
When Fred entered the firehouse after the emergency call came in, everyone was running back and forth with the usual urgency to go put out the flames at Marta's apartment. But Fred just moseyed in and sat on a couch near the television. His eyes were half-closed and he smelled of cheap vodka and turpentine. The other firemen became very suspicious when one of them asked Fred why he wasn't getting ready and he responded by saying, with a caustic half-smile on his face,
"Where's the fire, boys?"